Horse Tails Pt. 1

~~~~HORSE TAILS~~~~

By: Randi Evans

Chapter 1

Justin gazes at sapphire sky, high above the ranch, until he hears Lance calling him. He turns in Lance’s direction, as Lance trots up to him on his beautiful white steed. Justin climbs up on the white fence. He reaches deep into his jeans, searching for something. Justin pulls out two miniature horses, and moves them along the fence, pretending to make them jump. He shoves the toys back into his pockets, and adjusts his cowboy hat.
He steps off the fence, into the muddy arena, where a pony is grazing, and a tall motherly figure stands. He watches, as she places a saddle on the horse, and takes out a helmet for a young rider.
Justin keeps his distance from the horse, playing by himself quietly; as he sees handicapped kids ride the horses. The kids wave to him, and he waves back, not uttering a word.
It’s almost time for Justin to ride the pony, as he begins to cry, after the helmet is placed atop his curls. This is all too common for Justin, as he has done this everyday, since arriving at the ranch.
Lynn, Justin’s Mom sighs, “Just try to ride, one time. The ponies are friendly.” She takes a tissue from her pocket, and wipes her son’s tear stained face.
Justin gives a typical one word answer, “No,” with no emotion behind it. Justin is unable to make eye contact with his mother. He seems in another world.
A new person to the ranch finds Justin quite intriguing. She’s in town for the rodeo. A champion since the age of six, at age twenty-one she’s ready to take home this award, if somebody doesn’t stop her.
Inside of the resort, she plops down next to Justin, gazing into his stormy eyes, trying to grasp what’s going on with him. She waves her hand in front of his face, gaining no response from the young man. She gently places her hands over his, expecting him to make some type of gesture, but nothing happens.
Lance comes into Justin’s view. He’s holding Justin’s toys in his hand. He attempts to make eye contact with Justin, “You dropped these earlier.” He opens up Justin’s right hand, placing the toys in there. “Try to be more careful with your toys.”
Justin mouths, “Thanks,” and returns to his own world, until the next day at the muddy arena.
Lynn’s surprised when Justin doesn’t cry after the helmet goes on his head. She adjusts the strap underneath his helmet. She closely monitors him, as he takes the horses from his pockets, stroking their manes. His interest quickly fades in the horses, as he sees the female in the distance. Justin points at her.
Lynn sighs, “Justin don’t point. Tell me what you want or see.”
Justin stares at his Mom blankly. Out of frustration Justin moves on to a new venture that doesn’t last long.
Justin walks up the ramp for handicapped individuals, leaning against a railing. Gentle coaxing from his Mom gets Justin to touch the horse. Unfortunately, Justin isn’t comfortable about riding just yet.

Two words come slowly from his mouth, “Horse Tails.” His eyes search the field, as he repeats, “Horse Tails.” He points to many horses grazing on hay and grass. His eyes fix on a particular pony that stands out from the rest, at least in his eyes.
Lynn is perplexed with her son’s words, as she guides him back to the room. Once they are back in the room, Lynn stays mostly on one side, and Justin stays on the other side. “I’m going to take a shower, while you watch this TV program.” She usually doesn’t leave him unattended, but it is getting near the time he will be falling asleep, so he’ll be less likely to have a tantrum, or change activities. Just in case, she locks the door, hiding the key from his view.
Justin flips pillows and blankets trying to find his horses. They’re nowhere. Tears roll down his cheeks. He rushes to the door, but realizes he can’t get out. He heads towards the window, which at his home in Millington, Tennessee he has escaped from before. He presses on it, attempting to lift it up. He accomplishes his goal, landing on uneven ground.

Lynn screams, noticing Justin is gone. She can’t believe she didn’t think about the window. She gets dressed quickly, and has Lance join her. The two can’t imagine where he has headed, so they check high and low for him.

He goes to the arena, after wandering on other tangents. He bends down calling, “Horses.”

A woman comes from the barn who has been feeding her horses. It’s the twenty-one year old from before. She stoops to his level, “What are you doing?”
Justin thinks, “Looking.”
“What are you looking for?”
Justin rubs his hands against his jeans, “My toys.”
She laughs a little, surprised that a twenty something year old plays with toys. “I haven’t seen any, only horses.”
Justin pounds his feet into the muddy substance, throwing his cowboy hat to the ground, but something stops him from carrying on. He points to one of the ponies, “Want.”
The pony is like Justin. It doesn’t respond to stimuli, but it does take notice to Justin. She allows Justin to pet her, which is a first.
Justin doesn’t desire any other pony but this one. He calls her, “Horse Tails.”
The female is shocked by the bond the two have and their similarities. She asks Justin why he named the pony Horse Tails, and gets a one word answer, ‘Storyteller.’ She shrugs her shoulders, “How can this horse tell this guy a story?”
Lynn and Lance are amazed to find Justin with the horse, giving the horse his full attention, and not showing violent behavior.

The next morning, Justin rides Horse Tails, a horse that wouldn’t let anybody ride her before. The ride is short, but rewarding for Justin and the horse. He has help dismounting the horse.
Justin walks down the ramp, “Bye Horse Tails.” He speaks the words so softly that it is hard for one to make out what he says. After riding a few times, his voice becomes louder as he says his goodbyes.
Lynn takes a deep breath in, and then out, wishing they didn’t have to leave the ranch, but their trip is coming to a close, as is summer. She can’t imagine how Justin will react to leaving the pony. She knows Justin loves her, and realizes something her son doesn’t. The ranch will get rid of the pony because it is of no use to them if only one person can ride it. If they can’t sell her, the pony will be put to sleep.

Lance is happy Justin is making progress with the horse. He wishes he could buy Horse Tails for Justin, but doesn’t have quite enough money. He knows one person that has lots of money, but probably won’t buy a horse with it.
“That’s one of the few times I’ve seen my son smile. This horse is perfect for him. I love hearing Justin’s voice. Most moms of autistic children would give about anything to see their child interact and make contact with them. He’s finally talking, though it’s extremely difficult for him.”

Lynn hands Justin his notebook. Every week he’s asked to write a short story, to improve his creativity. It helps Justin be more verbal. Lynn has to give Justin ideas, because he isn’t capable of coming up with his own, so she suggests, “How about telling me a story with you and Horse Tails?”

Justin does his exercise, closing the notebook. He is having a good day. Justin turns on the television by pressing the buttons, but he’s not really interested in the programs. He turns it off, and throws a tantrum.
Lynn holds onto Justin’s hands, “This is not appropriate. Please explain why you’re upset. She places her hand on his chin, and turns his head in her direction to work on eye contact. “Justin, tell me what is wrong.”
With little emotion, Justin hands her his notebook
Lynn reads over Justin’s story. “I’m sorry Justin. We can’t take the horse with us. We’ll come back to the ranch during Christmas break.” She questions how Justin feels about her words, since he makes no gestures.

Two days later, Lynn is returning to their room where she left Justin for a few minutes. A chill runs down her spine, seeing the door wide open. “Justin, where are you?” Lynn checks the rooms, and heads out into the hallway praying he’d be out there getting a soda or candy, but Justin is nowhere.

She contacts Lance on her cell phone, as she makes her way to the arena. Lynn sees that one of the helmets and Horse Tails are gone. Lynn’s heart sinks, not knowing where to look next.
The twenty- one year old looks at Lynn, after dismounting her horse, “What’s going on?”
“My son took off with Horse Tails. Do you have any idea where he might have headed? He has never ridden the horse outside of the arena without guidance from others. He has hardly any speaking skills.”
“All the horses have been trained to come back. They know the trails. He should be okay, if he doesn’t get off the horse. I’ll go looking for him, and report it to the other people on the ranch.”

Justin, on the horse for an hour, becomes restless. His mind tells him to dismount, but he is unsure how. Justin didn’t think about how he’d get off. He drops the reins in frustration, as Horse Tails counties down the trail. He throws his hands up in the air, making his body tilt to the side, and almost falls off. Justin catches himself.

Horse Tails stops in a very grassy area near a large rock. Bending her legs, she allows Justin to get off safely. She waits for Justin to turn his attention to her.
Justin doesn’t like the helmet, but the horse distracts him from taking it off. He’s ready to go back, and attempts to get onto the horse, but stumbles on a rock, scraping his knees and hands. He doesn’t cry, but tries again and manages to get on top of the horse.
The horse gently walks, as Justin sits motionless. Horse Tails picks up speed, bringing Justin out of his trance. Justin gathers the reins in his hands. It is hard for Justin to concentrate on something this long.











Chp. 3

A voice calls to Justin, but gets no response. “Justin Randall, stop that horse!”
Horse bound, she trots up beside Justin grabbing the reins that are loose in his blood stained hands. “We’re going back to the ranch.”
She realizes Justin isn’t going to make it without a stop. He has surpassed his limits and requires a break. She dismounts, helping Justin off his horse. She takes out first aid materials from her shorts, slowly bending down to Justin on the rock, and applies medication to his injured skin before bandaging the areas. She wonders if he is hurt any place else.
“Justin, what you did is dangerous. You could have been hurt.” She feels Justin isn’t paying attention to her, but not out of disrespect. He can hear, but the thought of auditory understanding problems comes to her. She figures Justin can’t process what people tell him, for some reason. “What can it be? “
She enjoys Justin, but how can she get to know a person who has trouble communicating? She has been trying all summer. All he seems to care about is the horse, or the toy ones which he can’t do much with.
Justin touches her hair, moving his hands through it. He typically won’t touch people.
She likes it, and figures he’ll get tired of it eventually. After several minutes, he comes around to her view. She’s amazed when Justin shows her a flower, “Is this for me?”
Justin nods his head. He appears sickly to her as he rests his head on the grass.
“Justin, what’s wrong?” She takes him into her arms, while she calls Justin’s Mom. She explains that Justin is ill, and she won’t be able to get him back on the horse. They need EMT’s to see what is going on with him.
She finds it strange he’s allowing her to hold him, until they get there. She stays with Justin until Lynn arrives. “I’ll see you later, Justin. Hope you feel better.”
Once they give him liquids, he’s back to himself. They remove his helmet, and do a quick check up at the emergency room. They start him on his medication because it’s past due.

Lynn packs her belongings. She already has Justin’s stuff packed for the airport. She has his horses and medication ready for the plane ride home. She’s waiting on Lance to bring him back from seeing Horse Tails for the last time. It’s too painful for her to watch him leave this big part of his life.

On the plane, Justin doesn’t speak. Tears roll down his cheeks. This is one of the few times he’s cried out of emotion. He misses the horse, and the two toys don’t work as a substitute.

Back home, Justin uses a computer to show his feelings about his horse. He’s only able to express himself with a few sentences. Justin has trouble putting words together, but has improved with the computer’s correction system. It repeats the words for him to hear the sounds.

Though Justin has learning deficits, he does well in mathematics. He has a job, where he uses math and computer skills. This keeps him occupied for a few hours a day. His father, a retired banker, employs him.
His father glances at Justin, “It’s time to go see the occupational therapist.”
Justin follows his Dad to the car. It’s not too long of a drive. “ Justin looks at the trees.







































Chp. 4

Lance is interested in buying Justin the horse. Lance doesn’t have quite enough to purchase it. He feels badly because Justin has had more improvement with that horse than any other treatment.

Lance sits down beside Justin, handing him a book about horses. He opens up the book, showing Justin the various horses. “Which horse do you like, Justin?”
Justin studies the horses, and eventually points to one, “Mine.”
Lance sighs, “Yeah Justin.” He doesn’t have the heart to tell Justin that the horse isn’t his, because Justin can’t tell from a photo. “Would you like to learn more about horses?”
Justin nods his head, “More.”
Lance points to different parts of the horse’s body, explaining in simple terms what they are. He goes over the terms, while on the rides to see Justin’s many specialists.
Lynn is grateful Justin has Lance to guide him in the right directions. She’s always worried he’ll be lead down the wrong path, from peers. She realizes sometimes Justin acts like he’d like to fit in, but knows he’s not like them. Lance is one of the only true friends Justin has. He is used to dealing with people who are disabled.
Lance used to have a few learning problems himself. He had difficulty in reading, but got passed that. He wasn’t very good at writing either, but has since overcome it.
He’s overjoyed Justin is into horses, like him, and wants to teach him all about them. He thinks the horses help Justin express himself, because he doesn’t have to be very verbal. It’s more about how you hold the reins, and sit on the horse. There are a few commands he needs to speak.

Justin hears the phone ring, but does not answer it, as he uses the computer, listening to the words, and repeating them, like a robot. His Mom picks up the phone and smiles, “We’re going to get something special today.” Lynn takes a red helmet out of a cardboard box, and folds up the letter she just read. “Do you remember this Justin?”
Justin examines it, “Mine.” He glances outside the windows for the horse. He’s confused because he thinks the horse is far away. He pushes the helmet to the side.
“We’re going to see a horse later, Justin.”

That evening a large truck arrives, and Justin’s allowed to open the back end. He points at the horse inside, “Mine.”
Lynn nods her head, meeting her eyes with his, “Sure is. Horse Tails is all yours. Lance is going to help you care for her.”
She places the helmet on Justin’s head, as the horse comes out of the truck. Lynn takes Justin to a local barn, where they’ll allow the horse to stay, and Justin can come to visit, and ride. She explains that some of his work money will go towards the payments, and Lance will pay the rest of the fee.
Lynn writes to the woman who gave Justin the horse. She talks about his progress because of the horse.




The woman tells Lynn she can’t wait to see Justin again.

The twenty-one year old smiles. Lynn puts down the letter, “This may be a start to something very important. Next summer ought to be fun!”

Lance reads to Justin from a basic reading level book. “Let’s practice making the sounds, not just moving your lips. We’ll go see Horse Tails afterwards.”
Justin fumbles with the word, “Dad-dy.” He is getting one word at a time. After seeing the word, Lance shows Justin a picture to go along with it. All Justin’s life people have taught Justin to recognize symbols, because it is far too difficult for him to process a word. Sometimes Justin’s brain makes him use nonsense words, or babble when he tries to communicate.
Lance takes out one of Justin’s picture books. He’s bringing the book to the barn. He shows Justin the pictures, and points to the real life objects. Lance is happy that Justin is absorbing some of the information.
Lance gets the saddle on the horse, and stir-ups, as Lynn gently places Justin’s helmet on his head. She walks with him to the ramp, and helps him get on. Lynn stays to one side of the horse, as Lance stays to the opposite side.
Justin does so well on the horse, and each time he’s able to ride a bit longer. They get him up to an hour of horse riding, without outbursts. He is allowed to feed the horse, and groom her, with supervision.
Lynn is pleased that Justin is trying to put his words together, even if he can only make a three word sentence. She is happy Justin is able to bond with something.
Justin picks out one of his picture books. He likes the one about the horses the most. The pages are made of different textures, to make him more comfortable with changes of touch. This keeps him busy, until they arrive home, where he plays with his toy horses.
Justin’s becoming good with his picture books, so his therapists give him new ones. This time the picture book has two pictures and their word underneath, ‘hot cat,’ to grasp that the cat is hot. With these pictures Justin understands, without he can’t get the idea.
Lynn reads to Justin, passing the book to him. “Now, it’s your turn. Sound out the words.” She only has him read a small sentence. “You’re doing very well.” She takes out his flash cards, which she must go over with him constantly, or he’ll forget their meaning.
Justin is tired, after a long day. He goes to his room, where a monitor is on, to monitor his behavior. Another monitor is attached to Justin’s clothing, so his Mom knows where he is. This allows Justin more freedom. He sits on his bed looking for something to do. He reaches for one of his books, and attempts to read it. “Daddy is sleepy. Mommy is too!” Justin turns the pages, “Go to sleep.” He puts his book back.
Lynn enters the room, “That sounded great, Justin. You’re vocabulary is improving. You’re learning to talk better. We’ll have to work on eye contact.” Lynn gives Justin his medication, which prevents him from having night time outbursts. It relaxes his body.

This is the only time she is usually able to run her hands through his curls, and give him a hug, though, she has seen him doing better with the horse. He wouldn’t allow anything on his head prior to the horse back riding lessons.

Lynn brings Justin to the barn everyday. “Justin, Horse Tails is going to have a baby horse. You can’t ride her for a bit, until the horse comes out. That’s why she is getting bigger.” Lynn points to where the baby is. She tells him what is going to happen.
Justin doesn’t quite understand where the baby will come from.

Lynn can’t believe it’s been three months since they purchased the horse. It’s mid October already.
Justin won’t be seeing the horse for a couple of days, because Lynn needs to bring Justin to some out of state doctors. This may be difficult for him.

He has been going to these doctors since he was an infant. It is important to follow up with them on Justin’s progress, and future plans.
Justin’s visits seem to go well, even the scans of his head. He has gained a great deal, since they saw him last.

He picks up his toy horses from the shelf, studying them. He moves his fingers along the horse’s stomachs. He pauses, and flips the horses backward, and begins touching the lower part of the horse’s stomach.
Lynn smiles at her son’s innocence, and sits down on his bed. “Pretend horses don’t have babies. Only living things can have them. The baby lives inside of her, Justin. You’re going to see the baby horse in about nine months.”
Justin is perplexed, as he puts his horses the right side up on his bed. He strokes the horse’s mains, and reaches for the book on his nightstand. He flips through the colored photos, as tears surface in his eyes.
“Justin, sound out your words. Tell me what you want to know.” Lynn moves her hand underneath his chin, and moves his head so they can make eye contact. She is able to remove her hands, and get him to keep his gaze.
His face turns rosy red, as his lips tighten together. The tears slide off his cheeks. His head hits the pillow several times, and his hands have a tight grasp on the comforter. His body hits the flooring, but the safe padding on the floor and corners of the walls prevents Justin from serious injury. His body trembles with a thrashing episode.
Lynn glances at Justin on the floor. In a panic, she lifts up his shirt, and examines his shaking body for injury. Her heart races.
He places his hands on the bedding, and lifts himself to a standing position. He picks up his toy horses, lining them up, as if nothing has happened.
Lynn gently runs her hands through Justin’s curls. She takes a tissue wiping away the teardrops. “We’re going to Mc Donald’s later. Lance is going to come, too! Which jacket do you want to wear?”
Since he is not good with colors, his parents use symbols to make getting dressed easier. The symbols are on a piece of paper and match up to the ones on his clothing. All he has to do is point.

Justin brings his horses to the restaurant, though he can’t have them during his meal, because it’s too much of a distraction. He has help ordering, and getting the food to the table. He watches as Lynn places the French fries near his hamburger. He puts them in stacks, before taking a bite of them. He doesn’t seem interested in eating.
A red headed man with a painted white face, and bright yellow costume, steps into Justin’s view. He winks at Justin, and his horses. He bends down to make eye contact with Justin.
He is very interested in the improvements Justin has had due to the therapeutic horse back riding. “I’d like to try to start something, so more young individuals may do better. I don’t think its right for you to have to pay for Justin’s horse expenses. I realize his medical bills alone are insane.”
He proposes ways of getting funding. Ronald is really into giving back, and promises the family he’ll at least get them a better deal.
Justin is too into his own world, as he plays with his horses. He shows the horses to the man.

His parents bring Justin to a local market, to pick out a pumpkin. They’ve been doing this since he was very young. They like him to have as much normalcy as possible. They pay for the pumpkin he picks out, and bring it home for Justin to paint.
Lynn writes to the twenty-one year old, who goes by the name of Melody. She talks about Justin’s progress in depth, not holding back on anything. She thanks her again for giving Justin the horse.
She glances over at Justin, who is sitting in front of his pumpkin, waiting to paint. She hands him the brush, and opens up the paints. Lynn shows Justin suggestions, but tells him, “Do it any way you want.”
She laughs, “Good thing we put down newspaper. That’s very good, Justin.” She takes out a washcloth, and lightly gets the paints off Justin’s hands. “No more touching until it dries.”
Justin goes to his room pulling out one of his favorite talking books. He listens to the voice, and finds the objects it asks for. He picks up on some of the words, but doesn’t know how to use them in context.
Lynn hears Justin on the monitor, slurring the few words he’s trying to say. She grins as she hears the words he utters.

Lance pulls up into the driveway, as the leaves blow. He smiles warmly, at his curly haired friend, in a baby blue jacket, and blue jeans, with Nike Air Sneakers. He watches Justin hold a basketball in his hands, and dribble it. He waves to Justin, and says, “Hi.”
Justin responds in a monotone voice, “Hi,” unable to look and dribble at the same time. He passes the ball to Lance, rubbing his hands together. He sticks his hands into his pockets, walking toward the decorated porch.
He points to his pumpkin, “Mine.” He bends his knees, to move to a sitting position on the light blue colored steps. His eyes wander around at the Halloween décor. He claps his hands, making the jack-o-lantern light up.
Lance chuckles, “That’s neat, Justin.”

Justin nods his head, “Cool.”
Lance questions, “Where are your Mom and Dad?”
Justin aims his finger at the door, “Working. I play!”
Lance suggests, “Let’s go inside and play.”

Justin follows Lance inside, but quickly gets side tracked with the family dog. He backs away nervously.
Lance turns around and calls the dog’s name, “Berlie.” He assures Justin that the dog won’t hurt him. He realizes Justin seldom sees the dog, because they don’t want to upset him.

Lance goes into the dining area, and takes a puzzle from the shelf. He gestures for Justin to take a seat next to him. He flips all of the pieces over to show the pictures. It’s a rather simple puzzle, but will be troublesome for Justin. Lance starts piecing the puzzle together. “You try.”
Justin combines the two pieces, but they don’t match up. He tries from another angle, with no luck. After several attempts Justin succeeds. He reaches for another piece, feeling around the edges, and connects it to a larger part that has already been done. He stands up, as Lynn walks into the room.
Lance says, “Hi,” to her, as Justin’s mind drifts away with what to do next. Lance gets up from the chair, quickly picking up the pieces, ready to see where Justin will go next.
“I’ll have lunch ready in a bit. Thanks for keeping an eye on him.”
Lance nods his head, “It’s no big deal. He’s a great person. I’ll go see what he’s up too!”
Lance takes off down the hallway, peering into the rooms, and spots his friend on the floor. This isn’t one of Justin’s typical spots to come. He’s hiding behind the bed. Lance coaxes him out of the hiding spot. “Why are you hiding?”
All Justin can get out is that he’s scared of something, before moving on to something else.
At lunch, Justin spills his juice on his white shirt, and needs to have it cleaned. The spill isn’t that big of a deal, but removing Justin’s shirt is startling.
Lance’s mouth opens wide, at the several large scrapes on Justin’s body. “Did you fall outside?”
“No, I pushed.”
Lance asks, “Who pushed you?”
Justin stares blankly at the carpet.
Lance places medicine on Justin’s scratches, and calls for Lynn to look at them. “He says somebody pushed him.”
Lynn is baffled, “The yard is fenced in. He should have been safe. I doubt he had an episode, because more damage would have been done, and we would have heard his cries!” Lynn glances at Justin’s clothing, “Where’s his monitor?”
“I didn’t see it when I took off his shirt!”
They can’t find Justin’s monitor, and won’t let him out in the yard without supervision. It’s just not safe until they know what’s going on.

Lynn is able to get a better look at her son’s injuries when he’s sleepy from his medication. She puts more medicine on the scratches, and gently pulls his tee shirt down.

Later that night, Lynn rushes into Justin’s room, with his father close behind. She sighs at the sight of Justin crying. “What happened?”

His father sits down on the bed with Lynn, “Maybe he had a nightmare.”

“I think something is scaring him, but I don’t know what. He’s shaking.”

Lynn gently rubs away Justin’s tears. “I wish I knew what was hurting you.” She talks to Justin in a soothing tone to try to relax him. She rubs his back, until he falls asleep.

Justin walks down the steps into the dining room, with his pajamas on. He sits down at the table, waiting for his parents to help him make breakfast.

Lynn smiles, “What do you want to make today for breakfast?”

Justin stands up grabbing a red box on the counter top, “This.”

“Those are pancakes. Let’s get out what we need to make them.” Lynn lets Justin gather the ingredients, and do the measuring, while she does the cooking. “They’re all ready, Justin.”

Justin pours on the maple syrup, and begins eating, after the family says a short prayer. He sips on some orange juice and looks out the window, “Play.”

Lynn shrugs her shoulders. “It’s raining Justin. You have to play inside today, after you work with your Dad.”

She goes upstairs with Justin to get him ready for the day. Lynn hands Justin his toy horses to keep him occupied, until his father is ready for him. Lynn turns on the computer, while keeping an eye on Justin. She has to be even more careful now that his monitor is gone.

The doorbell rings, and Lynn goes to see who it is. She flashes the man a smile, seeing his ID badge. “You’ve done great work on the yard.” Lynn begins to gasp, but remains calm. “Did you happen to come yesterday?”

The tall man grins, reaching into his pants pockets, “No.”

Lynn doesn’t want to accuse him of possibly hurting Justin, until she has more proof. “Will you be doing work tomorrow?”

He nods his head, “If the weather permits me too!”

Lynn calls out to Justin, after noticing he left his bedroom. He’s not in the usual places. She finds him behind one of the beds, with his horses tightly in his hands. “Did that man scare you?”

Justin shakes his head, “Scary.” He goes back to playing with his horses.

“Sweetheart, it is time to work with Dad. You can have your horses later. It won’t be too long.”

His father writes down the numbers, lining them up for Justin to calculate on the computer. He’s always amazed to see his son thrive at this. “That’s very good Justin.” He laughs, “You should be a banker.”

Justin says, “Banker?” in a questioning tone. He points to his Dad’s pants, the pocket that has his wallet, “Banker.”

His Dad takes out his wallet, “This isn’t a banker. This is a wallet. A banker is somebody that is paid to handle money at a bank. I used to be a banker.”

In the afternoon, Lynn reads to Justin about fall. She tells him about the leaves changing colors, what the animals and humans do because of the temperature changes. She does this so Justin has a better understanding of his world, since he can’t do it on his own.

She takes out one on Halloween just for fun, and reads to him, having him find familiar objects hidden in the pictures. Lynn sings the rhymes, giving him time to try to mimic her words and actions. This proves to be a good activity for eye contact, and picking up on words.

Lance arrives the next morning, and promises to watch Justin outside, while Lynn and her husband do housework. He passes the basketball to Justin, and waits for him to throw it back to him. This doesn’t last long.

Justin drops the basketball, and goes behind Lance. He waits several seconds before moving, as he looks at the tall man gardening. He grasps onto Lance’s jacket.

Lance turns to him, “He won’t hurt you. You can play. I’m right here.”

The man stops, and glances in Justin’s direction. He shows Justin his tools. “These are only for the plants. They’re not a threat.”

Justin takes his basketball and bounces it on the pavement. He stays close by Lance, “Basketball over!” He reaches into his pockets, taking out his horses.

Lynn brings Justin to their pediatricians to be checked over. She knows he is afraid of the doctors. She brings along books to take his mind off the examination. She is careful with her words, when explaining what the doctors are going to do.

Since they are unsure how Justin will react to them touching him, they give him medicine by mouth that’ll make him sleepy. It doesn’t take long for it to take affect.

Lynn feels terrible seeing Justin go through this pain, and not being able to communicate that his stomach hurts. She runs her hands through his curls. She slowly helps him get dressed, and walks him out to the car.

Justin sleeps on the ride home, as Lynn thinks about how Justin could have gotten these injuries. “He must have been pushed several times. He has a good amount of swelling.”

Lynn stabilizes Justin’s body, as they walk into the house. She lets him rest on the couch, and watch a Halloween program. She makes sure the program isn’t too violent, and that he will, for the most part, understands it.

She watches the show with him, telling him, “It is all pretend, like when you dress up for Halloween.” Lynn takes out a Halloween catalogue. “What do you want to be for Halloween?”

He picks out the cowboy outfit. He sits up, “Where is hat?”

“The hat is upstairs in your room. We’ll find it later.”
Justin sits on the porch steps, as Lynn clips a new monitor to his clothes. He moves down the steps to pick up one of the colorful leaves. He examines the leaf, and the big tree he watched it fall from, “Fall.”

Lynn sighs, “I shouldn’t have told you it was fall. Fall has two meanings. Let’s call this season autumn. That’s a pretty leaf. What color is it?”

She hints to him, “This is the color of the sun.”

He tries sounding out the word before it comes out of his mouth, “Ello”

Lynn understands what he is trying to say, “Yellow. That was very good. What color is the pumpkin?”

After several seconds he responds, “Basketball color.”

“That was a good guess. The basketball and pumpkin are orange.”

The wind whistles through the trees, as more leaves hit the ground. He bends down to the large pile of color, sorting them by shape and size, as Lynn goes inside, for a second, to grab the camera. Justin shakes the leaves, watching the raindrops from last night drip onto the grass. He hears footsteps, and a voice calling his name. The footsteps are getting louder, as Justin blocks them from his mind. He hears the voice again, louder this time. He stands up, making his way towards the porch, climbing the steps.

He brushes his hands against his cargo pants, “Icky.” He shoves his hands into his side pockets. He removes his toy horses, race car, and pennies. Justin lines them up, as he hears, “Justin.”

The tall man comes up the steps, glaring at Justin, “Why didn’t you answer me?”

He picks up the toy horses, “What is the point of these? All this stuff is for babies.”

The man tightly grasps the horses, but quickly hands them to Justin, as Lynn comes out with her camera. “Those are nice horses.” He lightly touches Justin’s head, “Sweet boy.”

Lynn smiles and pays him for his work. She glances over at Justin. “What is wrong, Justin?”

The man swallows hard, “I have to get going. I’ll see you later.” He takes off, as Lynn cares for Justin.

“Did he try to hurt you?”

“He took horse.”

“He’s all done with work here. Grandma and Poppa are coming over in a little bit.”

Justin’s grandparents live next door, and they absolutely love their only grandson. They shower him with love. They had several hardships when he was a baby. The whole family suffered many set backs.

Justin had a twin sister, but the fates left Justin to fend for himself.

Prior to this, his grandparents had bought the twins each an identical toy horse.

After hearing the news that one of the babies didn’t survive, they decided on giving both horses to the living sibling, to remind him that his sister is always a part of him.

His grandparents love seeing him with the toy horses. They get down on the hardwood floor, and chat to him about his toy horses.

Lynn shows them photos of Justin on his real horse, and how they can see his progress through the photos. “I’m so happy I finally got these developed. He has really matured.”

Justin lays his head on the floor, closing his eyes. A blanket is placed over him.

His grandfather asks, “What is he doing?”

“He’s tired from the medicine the doctor gave him. He takes an afternoon nap now. The doctor said he needs his sleep. I’m going to take him to his room.”

Lynn wakes Justin, guiding him to his room. His grandparents follow, and take a seat next to his bed.

His grandfather places the toy horses on Justin’s nightstand, near the photo of him on Horse Tails. His grandfather smiles proudly.


Chapter
Justin reaches into the large candy dish, grabbing one of his favorite types of candy. He sticks the candy in his jean pockets. His blueberry eyes spot his Mom chatting with friends. He slowly makes his way through the groups of people, confused by their elaborate costumes covering many of their faces. The many tones of voices frustrate him. Tears roll down his cheeks, as he goes toward the stairs, but Lance stops him.

“Let’s go watch a TV program. I don’t think this Halloween party is good for you.” He gently grasps Justin’s hand, leading him to the living room. Lance puts a Halloween tape into the VCR.

Lance finds the video to be boring, but pretends to like it. He thinks it’s to simplistic, but the video is just right for Justin’s level. He’s seen this video several times over the years.

The video ends, and Lance rewinds it. He removes it, and places another video in there. This one is more to Lance’s liking. It’s comical and enjoyable for both of them.

Justin pulls on Lance’s astronaut costume. He points to a tall dark figure standing solo, “Who?”

“It’s just a person in a costume, Justin. Everyone is playing pretend tonight. That is what Halloween is all about.”

Lance takes a Halloween activity book that Justin’s Mom bought him, off the coffee table. He opens it and a box of crayons. “Let’s color the pumpkins orange. That’s good. What color should the sky be?”

Justin attempts to say the name, “Ue.”

Lance smiles, “Blue. You almost have it. I’m glad you tried to say it.”

Justin still mouths many of his words, but is becoming more confident in trying to say them.

“I’m going to get something. I’ll be back soon. You help Mr. Pumpkin find the scary objects in the picture.”

Justin does as Lance tells him. He circles the creepy images, mumbling and slurring their names, as the tall dark figure comes up behind him.

He places his hand over Justin’s mouth, not sure what Justin will do. He feels teeth pierce into his skin, and removes his hand. He grabs the back of Justin’s cowboy shirt and pulls back on it, as Justin lets out a loud scream. He quickly distances himself from Justin, as people file into the living room to see Justin in tears.

Lynn notices the large welt around Justin’s neck and takes him upstairs to calm down.

Lance apologizes for leaving him unattended for a few minutes.

“It’s not your fault. I don’t know what happened. All of our guests we have good relations with. Why is somebody after Justin? He hasn’t done anything wrong!”
Lance watches his younger friend closely, while reading to him. He reads from a book that doesn’t have many pictures, so he needs to explain what many of the words mean. He finishes the book and allows Justin to pick one out.

Justin chooses the horse book. He seems to enjoy telling a story, even though he can’t correctly say the words. After two pages of two to three word sentences on each page, Justin sticks the book back on the shelf.

The next morning, Lynn gets Justin ready for the day. “Today’s going to be different, Justin. We’re going to go visit a special place, and see if you like it. We’re going to meet other autistic people your age.”

She is nervous about leaving him at this place, but knows it will be good for him to meet others that can’t communicate. Lynn walks him into the room. She smiles at a tall slender woman with long brown hair, and introduces herself and Justin.

Lynn stays the first time with Justin to see what they expect out of him. She’s pleased that they don’t force him into things he can’t handle.

Justin has help with several activities from another autistic person. Her name is Aubrey. She doesn’t have the disease as severely as Justin. She is there to support others.

Justin learns that Aubrey loves horses, too. He shows her a picture of him and his horse that he brought in for the students to see.

She tells him, “You’re too cute!”


Lynn slams down the phone at home. “I’m not giving up my only son. I refuse to put him in a home. He’s doing just fine with his loving family. Nobody is ever going to take him away from me. We can handle all his needs. We have all along!”

Her husband sighs, crumpling up the paper. “He can’t say anything. We’re not bad parents. We have no control over this creep that’s hurting our Son.” He throws the paper on the floor, and gazes at his son who has been standing there.

Justin peers downward, wiping away the tears surfacing in his tender eyes. He runs upstairs to his room, slamming the door shut, taking out his horses and holding them tightly in his trembling arms. He drops his toys closing his eyes and covering his ears with his hands. Justin yells, “Stop!”

The voice echoed in his head, “You’re not going to see your Mom and Dad again. I’m going to make sure they place you in that home with other people just like you. You and your horses will be happy together. Soon, your Mom and Dad will give in.”

Lynn rushes into Justin’s room. “Sweetheart, nobody is going to take you. You’re always welcomed here. I’m not about to let anyone ruin what we have.”

His Dad enters the room, “Justin, I’m sorry we upset you. You’re our world. We don’t want anything bad to happen to you. How about we go out for lunch?”

Justin nods his head ,”Da-ddy en Mom-my I of.”

Lynn softly wraps her arms around Justin, kissing his wet cheek. “We love you very much too, Justin. Lets get on your coat to go to the restaurant.” She places the baby blue jacket it on him, and sticks a hat on his head. “We’ll go see Horse Tails, after lunch.”

She orders his favorite dish, spaghetti with meatballs, and iced tea. Lynn lets out a slight laugh, as she wipes away the tomato sauce from around Justin’s mouth and hands. “It is okay, Justin. You didn’t mean to lose the meatball. That is not a big plate. We all lose our food sometimes.”

Justin seems eager as they near the barn. He peers out the window, as they drive down the narrow dirt road, and a fenced in area comes into view.

The ground is covered with leaves, barely allowing the grass to show, as they step out of the car. The wind hits their cheeks, causing them to blush!

Justin’s eyes search the outer holding pen for the horses. A worrisome look plasters his baby face. His blue eyes appear misty. He leans up against the fence, “Where Horse Tails?’

Lynn rubs his back, “She’s inside the barn. They don’t like her out this time of the year. It’s not warm enough for her.”

Justin runs up to his horse, wanting to pet her, and give her a carrot. He hasn’t seen Horse Tails in a few days. He touches her stomach, “Baby.”

Lynn chuckles, “That is where the baby is. Remember we talked about where the baby came from?”

“Horse Tails big!”

“Sweetheart, she is pregnant. The baby makes her gain weight.”

Justin feeds the horse, grooms her, and talks to her to the best of his ability. This is the most interaction he ever has, as he slips out of his world into a totally new one filled with possibilities. He doesn’t want to leave, but listens to his Mom and Dad still frightened by the disturbing man’s words.

Justin rests his head on his pillow, covering himself with his comforter. He closes his eyes. He thinks it is a nap, but it is really his medication that puts him to sleep for about an hour.

Lynn applies ointment to Justin’s sores, while he’s sleepy. She lowers his shirt, covering him back up.

Justin wakes, and makes his bed. He grabs his horses and some other small toys, placing them in a line on the hardwood floor. Justin pulls back on the toy car, watching it race across the floor. The blue race car, with white stripe down the middle, ends up near the doorway. He crawls over to it, taking it into his hands. Justin examines it, trying to figure out what causes it to move, and why his other toys can’t.

Lynn bends down to Justin’s level, “That car goes fast. You never had a car that fast.”

Justin looks in her direction, “Play.”

“I have to make supper, Justin. Would you like to help me?”

He stands with his toys, putting them back on the nightstand, “I help.”

Justin sets the table, with some guidance from his Dad, and takes a seat. He and his Dad look at a book, with glossy colorful photos. Justin sips on his drink, as his father talks about the photographs.

His Dad tells him, “Justin, Horse Tails is going to be put into a new home, so we don’t have to pay as much for her. Ronald Mc Donald House charities are giving us money. He is trying to get enough funding to buy more horses for kids and young adults with health problems to have a chance to learn to ride.”

Lynn chimes in, “It will be similar to what you saw at the ranch, this past summer.”

Justin remains quiet through supper, not eating much of his meal, but not seeming to want to leave the table. He washes his plate, and rinses out his cup, and sits back down.

Lynn studies Justin, concerned about his strange behavior. She places the back of her hand over his forehead checking for a fever, but he doesn’t have one. “Are you feeling well?”

Justin bobs his head, “Okay.”

Lynn has Justin write in his journal to try to understand what is going on with him. She reads his journal entry, disturbed by what he writes.

November 1, 2004

“Man scared me! He in black. I saw before. He gerdins for mi perents. I don’t like him!”

Lynn rubs Justin’s back soothingly. “He won’t scare you anymore. We’re going to get him in trouble. We’re going to show the police what you wrote, when we talk to them.” She kisses his forehead. “You’re such a good guy.”

The next day, the checkered floor sparkles, as his eyes wander upward. His blue eyes widen at the large Christmas tree in the entrance of the toy store. He touches the blue reflective ornament, “Pretty.” He bends down, “Ents,” he feels the velvet red ribbion on the large present underneath the tree.

A photographer places fake snow around the gifts, and places a stool in front of the Christmas tree. He has Justin sit on the stool, and his friend bends down on his knees, pretending to be giving Justin a gift. In another shot, Justin is pictured with an ornament dangling in his hand ready to be placed on the tree. In the final picture, Justin is in a sleigh, with his Mom sitting behind him holding the reins. His Dad is behind both of them, with Lance to the side.

They look around the toy store after their photo session, keeping a close eye on Justin.

Justin reaches for the plush horse, knocking over the display. A tear drifts down his cheek, “Sorry.”

Lance picks up the stuffed animals, “Accidents happen. Are you going to be okay?”

“Can I have?”

Lance sighs, “We will have to see! Maybe you will get it for Christmas. That is a nice pony. Let’s go see what your Mom and Dad are up too.”

Justin cuddles the horse in his arms, petting it, and playing with the mien, before putting it down on the shelf, “Back.” He follows Lance to his Mom and Dad, who are almost ready to leave.

They’re going to drop Justin off at the place for autistic people. They’ll pick him up in two hours, giving them time to shop and a safe place for Justin to stay.

Aubrey greets Justin, “Hi there. Would you like to draw me a picture of your horse?”

Justin thinks about the question, “No.” He turns his head away, “Why parents leave?” He bursts into tears, as she tries to calm his cries.

“They will be back, Justin. They went shopping. You’re Mom and Dad and friend wanted to buy things. In two hours they will return. I hope we can have some fun today.” She takes out a piece of paper. “I’m going to draw my horse.”

Aubrey takes out a bunch of crayons and two pieces of paper. She hopes Justin will try to draw, even if it looks like scribbles. She will be happy with anything.

Justin picks up a blue crayon clumsily and scribbles on the page for a few minutes. He chooses a yellow crayon and makes squiggly lines over the blue. Justin observes how Aubrey draws.

Aubrey takes a clean sheet of paper, and three crayons out. “How about we work on how to make shapes?”

He nods his head, “Coloring book.”

“No coloring books today, Justin. You can make whatever you like with these shapes. The circle is easiest. You make it the same as an “O” in words.” She slowly draws the circle, “You try.”

Justin does as she asks, “I did.”

“Great job, Justin. Let’s draw a square. A square has four equal sides. You draw one line as the top, and one to be the bottom, and then draw a connecting line on both sides.”

Justin has very little knowledge about shapes and their names. Teaching shapes is a goal for Justin at the autistic center.

Aubrey brings Justin into a kitchen setting to work on how to prepare food. She shows him the proper way to wash the vegetables, and how to put together a toss salad. She does everything in easy to grasp steps. She reminds him knifes are not to be touched; only the ones his parents give to him. She goes over kitchen safety such as, being careful around the hot stove.

The remainder of the time, Justin is encouraged to interact with the other people by partaking in the group activity. He is asked to tell everyone about his horse. They don’t expect him to say much on his own, so they question him with, “What colors does Horse Tails have on her body?”

Justin responds, “Brown, black and white.”

“When did you get Horse Tails?”

“Horse Tails in………………” He pauses, thinking about the seasons. He remembers his Mom telling him about autumn, but also fall. He doesn’t know which one to say, "Autumn.”

“It was nice that you thought about the question. How does the horse make you feel?”

“I feel well.”

The teacher smiles, looking into his eyes, “Thank you. I enjoyed hearing about your horse, and how she makes life more enjoyable for you. Would you like to come back next week?”

“I come.”

“I’m happy that you want to come back. Your Mom and Dad are here to take you home. Can you say goodbye the other students?”

Justin says, “Bye. I am back!”

Lynn wraps her arm gently around her son wiping away Justin’s tears. She softly talks to him telling Justin, “The loud noise from the dog is all over with. The dog didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry he startled you.”

The tears blur his vision, as his crying becomes heavier. Justin screams from the sound he heard earlier. The bark to most wouldn’t be a problem, but for Justin almost everything he hears is double the volume or more.

Lynn gives Justin his medication early, to bring down his heart rate and make him more comfortable. She is waiting for the medicine to kick in. She gives him his horses, not speaking to keep him calmer. She uses sign language in times like these with him. She supports Justin’s upper body, cradling him. This reminds her of when he was younger and screamed after hearing most noises.

Lynn rests Justin’s head on the pillow, getting him slowly on his back on the bed. She places a blanket over him and puts his toy horses on the nightstand.

Justin is traumatized from last night. He covers his ears, as he enters the kitchen, worried about the dog coming back and barking. He won’t touch his breakfast. He won’t even speak or read from his books.

Lynn helps Justin get dressed and brings him to see Horse Tails. She hopes seeing the horse will get him to open up again.

Justin is apprehensive of getting too close, but gradually he improves. Justin pets her. He mouths a few words, and backs away.

Lynn smiles, “I would like for you to ride Horse Tails today. Can we put on your red helmet?”

Justin allows Lynn to place the helmet on his head. He walks up the ramp, unsteadily. He has assistance getting on the horse, and going over the commands. He doesn’t ride long, but begins to utter a few words.

She takes Justin home and gets him cleaned up before bringing him to the doctor’s for his stomach injury check up. Lynn turns on the radio to its lowest setting, enjoying the meaningful song.

“He sees the world differently,
Than you and me.
I wonder about his world,
How he gets by”.

Lynn turns it off, because Justin doesn’t like the static sound from the radio.

The doctors tell Lynn to give Justin the sedative. They give her a cup with medication in it.

Lynn sits next to the bed. She talks to Justin in a soothing tone telling him what is going to happen. “Justin, you’re going to take a nap. I know you don’t want to take a nap, but the doctor’s would like you to be more comfortable during the check up!”
We’ll go to the toy store afterward and you can pick something out, if you behave.”

Justin’s eyes are closing, as he drifts off to sleep. He babbles to his Mom. He’s in his own world, which allows the doctor’s to examine him. He wakes drowsy.

Justin knows what he wants at the toy store, the plush pony. He cuddles the pony all the way home, and in his room. He doesn’t want to leave his stuffed animal. He talks to it, but nothing you can understand.

Justin tells his Mom, “I show Horse Tails.”

Lynn smiles, “I’m sure Horse Tails will like your new stuffed animal. What are you naming the pony?”

Justin looks at his pony, “Friend.”

“That is a nice name. Why don’t you go to sleep with your new pal?”

Justin rests his head on the pillow. He keeps his horse close, and takes a nap.


Justin sets his stuffed horse, near the pillow, on his grandparents couch. He picks up some magazines, leafing through them for things of interest, “Grandma.”

“Hello Justin, what is the name of your pony?”

Justin sounds out the horse’s name, “Friend.” He gives his grandmother his stuffed toy, “Play.”

His grandparents enjoy spending the day with their grandson, while Justin’s parents go to the police station to discuss Justin’s injuries inflicted by the man.

Justin’s cousin comes to visit his grandparents. He is older than Justin. Nick smiles, bending down to Justin on the floor. He pets Justin’s stuffed animal.

Justin notices Nick’s car keys, “What this?”

“Those are car keys, Justin. I bought a car so I could go to work and other places.”

Justin points at the keys, “I want car.”

“A car is expensive.”

“What e-pen-ive?”

“Expensive means lots of money.” He switches the subject in fear that Justin will become upset over not being able to have a car. “I heard about Horse Tails. Did you have fun riding her yesterday?”

Justin nods his head, and gets up off the floor, looking for his picture. He gives it to Nick, “Here.”

“That is a nice horse, Justin. What color helmet is that?”

Justin mumbles, “Read.”

“Can you say red?”

Justin is unable to, and moves onto something else. He goes to the kitchen, where Grandfather is reading the paper. He sits in a chair. Justin points to the various pictures on the wall. He lets out an ear piercing scream.

Nick and his grandmother come to see why Justin is screaming, while his grandfather looks at him perplexed.

His grandmother sighs, recalling silently, “I bet he doesn’t like that picture of his father. He never could understand why his biological father left him. He was four at the time, but mentally he was about a year old. All he did was scream and cry having no means of communication, but his father didn’t care. In some way, I think Justin knew that. His father wasn’t there for his treatments. He opted for drinking away his sorrows. He didn’t like his son’s in capabilities. Randy had decided, around the time of his son’s second birthday, that Justin should be put away in a home, but Lynn fought against it. He tried several times to make Lynn give up Justin.”

“Daddy, Randy, will not hurt you. Photos do not harm people. How about I give you a piece of peach cobbler?”

“Pee cob-er goo, Granny.”

She laughs, handing Justin the piece of pie. “I’m glad you like it, Justin. Your cousin enjoys peach cobbler too!”

After eating the pie Justin seems to have calmed, and is ready for a rest. He goes on the lawn swing with his grandmother. He loves the rocking feeling, and closes his eyes, holding his stuffed animal in his hands, but starts to lose grip on the horse.

Justin’s sound asleep, when his parents come to bring him home. He walks home drowsy and goes to his room with his Mom, resting on his bed.


Two days have passed. Justin is on his bed with his shirt off. He touches his lower stomach, with tears in his eyes. He rubs his hands against his jeans, trying to get the red sticky substance off his abdomen.

Due to his poor coordination, Justin gets hurt easier. He doesn’t have good balance. This makes it difficult to determine what his injury is caused by.

Lynn asks Justin what happened, but he can’t explain. She makes note of the red marks on her son’s back. She thinks this was no accident, due to the markings on his back.

Justin’s body trembles, as Lynn wipes away the blood. Justin reaches for his stuffed animal to cuddle.

“Sweetheart, we have to go see the doctors tonight, so they can see why your stomach is bleeding.”

Justin cries holding onto his stuffed animal at the hospital. He yells as they stick him with the needle. He begins to feel sleepy after a few minutes.

Lynn stays with Justin throughout his procedures, and as they put him to sleep, to bring the swelling down in his stomach. She hates that they keep him sedated, but she understands why. They want him to have a good recovery. She can’t believe that leaving him unattended for mere minute’s earlier lead to this new injury.

Justin does a lot of sign language in the hospital, when he’s alert. He doesn’t like the noises, so the doctors placed cotton in his ears. This makes him less aggravated. Justin won’t be able to play outside for awhile.

Lynn doesn’t know how she is going to keep Justin from having an outburst that could delay his recovery. She talks to Justin about his injuries, showing him pictures of how to be careful after surgery.

Justin asks for his toy horses. The horses keep him entertained, while the nurse gives him medications by IV. When Justin is engaged in one activity, the other event going on doesn’t usually bother him. He begins to fall asleep.

Lynn goes to get something to eat, while Justin sleeps. She returns to see a middle aged man, with dark hair, slightly over weight, standing next her son’s bed. He turns around gazing into her eyes, as her mouth drops. “What are you doing here?”

His lips tremble, as his eyes fill with tears. “I wanted to see him. He is my child.”

“Randy, you gave him up. You couldn’t stand the fact that he wasn’t normal. Why do you care to see him now?”

He sighs heavily, several times, trying to catch a breath. “I didn’t really care to lose him. I’m sorry for everything, for wanting him to be institutionalized. That was quite some time ago.”

“How did you find out he was here?”

“I discovered it by word of mouth. I’m here for him. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“No, I don’t trust you, and feel you’re to blame for this whole mess.”

He grumbles, “You have nothing to back up your accusations.”

“I may not, but you lost all your rights to seeing Justin. I’m surprised they let you near him.”

“Lynn, just let me spend some time with him. I can’t bring harm upon him with you here.”

Randy takes a seat near Justin’s bed. He wipes away the tears falling from his eyes with tissues. He takes notice of Justin’s horses, close by his hands. He takes a good glimpse at Justin’s innocent face, with tears rolling down it. He closes his eyes, thinking back to yesterday, as his heart sinks into his stomach. He knows what occurred could have been prevented. He figures in his heart Justin will never desire to see him again, due to what he did.

Randy touches Justin’s soft face, not bothering the plastic mask on Justin’s face to help him breathe. He wishes he could change this picture. How can he be with his son after what caused him to be here today? The question lingers in his mind. He’s convinced nobody needs to know.

Justin wakes, wanting to play with his horses. He sees his Father and begins to cry.

Randy frowns, “Please don’t cry, Justin. I miss you. I wanted to see you.” He leaves as Lynn attempts to comfort Justin.

He has to be in a wheelchair for at least a week. This doesn’t stop Justin from seeing Horse Tails. He seems determined around the horse. The barn is hardly accessible for the young man wheelchair bound, but he manages to do just fine. He helps Lance feed Horse Tails, and pets her mouthing, “Baby.”

Lance pushes Justin’s wheelchair to the car. “Did you have fun, Justin?”

Justin slurs, “Daddy.”

“Your Dad is at home, Justin.”

Justin points to the blue sky, “Daddy.”

Lance supports Justin’s body getting him into the car, confused about why Justin keeps saying, “Daddy.”

Lance dumps the soft building blocks on the floor for Justin at his home. Each block has a different texture. He doesn’t hand Justin the blocks, because he is afraid how Justin will react to the different substances. He lets Justin judge what he does and doesn’t like.

Justin enjoys the blue cotton block, soft red felt block, and the purple furry one. He discards the other ones, only playing with those three. He counts them, and stacks them on top of each other, or lines them up. He has no concept of creative play.

His friend places the blocks out of line, and sticks Justin’s toy horses in between them.

Justin removes the horses, not liking the set up. Justin goes back to stacking, “Done.”

Lance laughs, “If you say so, Justin. Will you help me pick these blocks up?”

Justin grabs his blocks and puts them into the container. Justin makes his way toward the door, “Play.”

Lance sighs, “We have to play inside, Justin. Your sores need to heal. By Christmas, you should be able to play outside.”

Justin asks, “When Criss- miss?”

“Christmas comes a month after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is Thursday.”

Justin’s parents are planning on bringing Justin to the ranch for Christmas, but may change their plans and bring him to New York to see snow for the first time. They would like Justin to have as many experiences as possible. They would stay in a log cabin, in the Adirondacks.

He is fascinated with pictures of white all over the trees, homes, and ground. Justin notices all the people have hats on their heads and mittens on their hands, in the pictures. He points to the hat, “Why have?”

Lynn smiles, “New York has cold weather in the winter. Their climate isn’t the same as ours.”

Lance chuckles, “He is far too cute. I love this guy. He is too precious! I wouldn’t trade Justin for any other friend.”


Justin tips over the puzzle and Lance assists him putting it back together. He has to stay upstairs while his parents get ready for Thanksgiving. This way he won’t be around the noises in the kitchen, or the dog that is eating.

“It is time to get dressed, Justin. Today, we have to look nice because it is Thanksgiving.”

Justin doesn’t like certain fabrics. It takes him longer than normal people to get used to new clothing. Cotton is usually what he wears.

He takes off the bandage on his stomach, as Lance takes out gauze and tape. He watches as Lance squirts cold medication on his stomach. It makes the area numb, so Justin can’t feel the soreness or the bandage on his skin. Everyday, Justin gets to pick out the color of the bandage.

“I invited my friend to come over later, Justin. She is excited to meet you. Her name is Bethany.”

Justin goes to his computer and turns it on. His computer is specially designed to meet Justin’s needs. He clicks on the program ‘Sights and Sounds’, and picks choice number one from the menu. A dog appears on the screen with the word underneath, “Dog.” The program repeats the word but in Justin’s voice. He presses the touch pad to move onto the next word and picture, “Baby.” He quits the program and clicks on another icon with his finger.

A brown bear pops up on the screen, “Hello Justin! Are you ready to play?” The bear waits for Justin to respond by clicking one of the options. “I’m happy you would like to play with me. My name is Benny Bear. I live in the forest with other animals. Would you like to see where I live?”

Justin clicks on yes. He listens to the bear, for the most part, and follows the simple directions to view the forest. His speech gets worse, as he becomes tired. He is becoming fussy and not willing to cooperate with Lance.

“You need a time out. I don’t want you to get hurt. You can not play during time out.”

Justin sits in the chair, rocking back and forth but Lance stops the rocking. He cries hoping to get his way. He gets up from the chair, “Bye.”

“You can’t leave. You are in time out. You have three more minutes.”

Justin cries harder, I sorry.”

Lance sighs, “I accept your apology. Time out is your punishment, when the clock says 11 ‘o clock you can get off the chair!”

Justin eats a gram cracker to hold him over until they eat the bigger meal. He won’t eat much. Justin isn’t a big eater.

After the meal and things quiet down, Lance introduces Justin to Bethany. He has explained to her that Justin has a severe case of autism, which makes it difficult for him to function normally. “I never talk down to him. I always try to explain what is going on with his world, in his terms. I’ve known Justin since he was very little.”

“I love how you’re so caring with him. You’ll make a great father. I’ve worked with some kids who are disabled like Justin. I sub at the local elementary school. Has Justin ever been introduced to a school program?”

“He is mostly taught at home. He has started going to a new program this year for two hours. They work on basic skills such as shapes, colors, and home safety, anything Justin would need to know.”

She wraps her arm around him, “Sounds great.”

Lynn and her husband take Justin to see the holiday lights. “What colors are the lights?”

Justin hesitates as he thinks about how the words will sound. He has had a long day and is becoming sleepy from his medicine. He stays up long enough to see all the lights.

While Justin sleeps, his parents talk. Her husband kisses Lynn’s cheek. “I love you.”

She envelopes him kissing his warm lips, “We haven’t done this in so long.” A tear drifts down her face.

The sleepy young man rests next to his Mom’s comforting form. His body becomes limp as his blue eyes close.

Lynn turns off the monitor on Justin’s clothes, and turns up the volume on the voice device. She decides to stay with him for awhile.

Justin sees his Mom sleeping. He plops down onto her bed, not used to her sleeping during the day, “Why sleep?”

Lynn’s eyes open, “I needed a nap. What have you been up too?”

“I messy. Cereal ilt on or.”

“Are you okay?”

“Daddy up it.”

Lynn smiles, getting out of bed. “What would you like to do this afternoon?”

“Mom-my play.”

Justin pulls out his toy horses and hands one to his Mom. He rests his head on her pillow. He points to her stomach, “Baby!?”

“I’m not pregnant, Sweetheart. Horse Tails is the only pregnant one right now.”

“How does your stomach feel, Justin?”

Justin puts his hands up in the air, “Don’t know.”

“You’re silly. Did your Dad change your bandage?”

He lifts up his shirt, “New.” He pulls his shirt down, closing his eyes. He’s ready for his afternoon nap.

“Don’t you want to go to sleep in your room? Friend is in there.”

Justin doesn’t answer her. He is too tired and has wanted to be with her for the last two hours.

She has her husband help her get Justin back to his room. The room his parents stay in has noises that may upset him. Justin’s room has hardly any sounds that disturb him.

Justin reaches for his stuffed animal, cuddling it upon waking. The drowsy young man stays in his bed until he is more alert, “Horse Tails.”

“Horse Tails is at the barn, Justin. We’ll go see her later.” She covers him up with a blanket. “Are you still tired?”

Justin nods his head, “Sl-eep-e.” Justin’s eyes shut as his breathing slows. Tears run down his cheeks. Justin’s body trembles while the crying gets harder.

She gently rubs his arm. “Everything will be okay, Justin. I am right here.”

Justin’s cries subside by evening, though his body is still trembling. He sits in the wheelchair at the barn, talking to the horse. Horse Tails seems to listen to Justin, though he may not understand everything Justin says.

Justin points to a horse, “Daddy’s horse.”

“Justin, your Dad is at home. That is a young boy with the horse.”

The smiling young boy, with dark brown hair, waves to Justin. He stops his horse with the reins. “Hi, my name is Jonathan! What is your horse’s name?”

Justin replies, “He is Horse Tails.”

“I like that name. I named mine Star, because of the star shaped spot on her side. I ride with my Mom and Dad.”

“My Dad talks about you.”

Lynn asks, “What is your Father’s name Jonathan?”

“My Dad is named Randy Timberlake. I have to go. See you later!”

Justin brings his toy horses next time he goes to the barn. He notices Jonathan is there and tries saying his name. He shows Jonathan the horses hoping he will play with him.

Jonathan takes a seat on a bench, “Cool horses. I can play for a few minutes.”

The two ended up playing for about thirty minutes, which is a rarity for Justin. He took in a lot by interacting with Jonathan, though on the surface no one could tell how he felt about his play time.

Jonathan waves goodbye to Justin. “Thanks for letting me play with your horses. Maybe, we can play again some time.”

“I bye. Daddy bye!”

Lynn wheels Justin to the car and gets him carefully into it. She hands him one of his story books for the short trip home.


The brisk late fall air hits against Justin’s face, as the sun begins to set. He lays his head on his Mom’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around her. His body trembles.

“Justin what is bothering you?”

Lynn goes inside with Justin. “I need to look at your stomach, Justin. It won’t take long.” She takes off Justin’s bandage. “Shhh………. I know its tender, Sweetheart. You have to let me check it.” She rubs on more numbing cream, which eliminates a good amount of Justin’s symptoms.

Justin is back at the barn, seated in his blue wheelchair, the following morning. He gives Horse Tails a carrot and brushes her mane. He drops the brush in the water dish, “Ugh oh.” He leans forward trying to reach for the object, but can’t. He gets out of his wheelchair, and bends down to grab the brush.

Jonathan rushes over to Justin, retrieving the item Justin lost in the horse’s water bowl. “I have to go back to tending to my horses. Hope you have a good day.”

Justin waves, “Bye buh.”

A loud scream comes from Justin at the sight of his father, Randy, who has come to watch his son, Jonathan, practice. Justin cries, as his father comes closer.

Jonathan pulls on his Dad’s shirt, “How come he is crying?”

“We don’t have a good relationship, Jonathan. It’s hard to explain.”

“Dad, I really like Justin. I’d like to get to know him better. I want him to meet Steven, too!”

“I think we’re going to switch barns. This isn’t going to work out anymore!”

“No, Dad! I really like this place, and I’ll miss Justin.” He walks away sadly!

Randy would give about anything to go back in time and change how things are now. “I’ve done something terrible. I could have killed my first son, all because I wanted him to be sent away. He was inferior in my eyes, a menace to society and his family. But, now I see he has feelings, too, probably more than me. He doesn’t deserve the lack of respect from his father. I can never forgive myself for causing my son to fear me.”
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He writes a song for Justin back at home. He goes into the studio and records, “Justin’s Song.” He sings the song softly hoping to get Justin to not fear his voice.

“You are unable to speak your mind,

Which fills your with uncertainty

Love to hear what you’d say

About my foolish ways.


Can’t take back what I did

Missed seeing him as a kid

Sorry for the pain I bring

For him this song I sing.


Sorrow fills my eyes

Ready to break down and cry

My knees are so weak

Your love I still seek.


Can hardly speak

I am at my peak

Please give me a try

I can be a good guy


I will read to you

Do what a father should do.

I’m lost in those eyes,

All I can do is sigh”

His eyes water as he is putting down the disc on his desk. Randy sighs wiping his tear stained cheeks as Jonathan slips into the room unnoticed.

“Dad, why doesn’t Justin like you?”

Randy turns to his son. His heart races gazing into the youngster’s questioning eyes. “I left Justin when he was four and never came back to him. I’m sorry about the pain I caused him and Justin’s Mom.”

“Why did you do that? Justin is so much fun!”

Randy sighs, “I wasn’t thinking. I made a mistake.”

“Dad, please don’t leave us!” Jonathan wraps his arms around him.

Randy rubs his back. “I’ll never leave you or Steven. I’m not about to make the mistake I did with Justin and his Mom.”

Jonathan’s head is buried in his father’s blue cotton button down shirt as tears stream down his face soaking Randy’s shirt. “Can you be friends with Justin?”

“That is up to Justin to forgive me. All I can do is wait and see.”

The next day, Justin is playing with his toy horses, near the Christmas tree, in his parent’s home. It is early morning and his parents haven’t gotten up yet. He crawls over to the tree sticking one of the horses underneath. He reaches for the horse knocking the tree. Justin nervously backs away. He doesn’t want his horses taken away because of a time out. He remembers his parent’s saying he couldn’t touch the tree because the colorful balls are breakable and the lights may hurt him if he plays with the wire.

He takes his horses over to the black leather couch picking up the Christmas storybook on the coffee table. He settles down into the comfy couch opening the brightly illustrated book with bold lettering and large detailed graphics of the Christmas season.

Justin rubs his eyes resting his head on one of the pillows. He keeps looking at the pictures until he falls asleep. He drops the book on the hardwood floor.

His father is surprised to find Justin on the couch. He gently places a blanket over him after checking him over to make sure nothing is wrong. He places Justin’s book back on the table alongside his toy horses.

Lynn wakes up about an hour later than her husband. She glances at her sleeping son on the couch. She doesn’t want to disturb him so she stays quiet as does her husband. They feed the dog outside and don’t use appliances that may scare or upset Justin.

She medicates Justin shortly after he comes out of his slumber. Lynn doesn’t think there is a need for him to suffer with the stomach pain.

The numbing cream works quickly easing his discomfort as he becomes more alert. He has help folding up the blanket and then goes to the kitchen to eat his Lucky Charms cereal.

Justin sits at the kitchen table with his mom. He pours the milk into the bowl of cereal and glass cup. He begins eating but stops.”

“Justin aren’t you hungry?”

He shakes his head, “Baby,” and resumes eating.

“Why did you say baby?”

Justin points to her stomach, “Baby.”

Lynn laughs, “Sweetheart, I’m not pregnant. Maybe someday I’ll have another baby.”