Horse Tails Pt. 4

Its three months too early and the baby is ready to deliver. Lynn has been in a great deal of pain. Everyone is fearful of complications for mother and baby, but don’t want to frighten Justin. He would never be able to realize how grave the situation is. The staff is trying it’s hardest to suspend the labor for as long as possible. The doctor has her on pain reducers to make her more comfortable.

The room is dead silent as doctors rush in and out of it, scurrying to the next location. The woman in the hospital bed gazes at her parents slightly confused, “Where is my son?”

Her mother enters the room sitting down next to her. “They won’t let him come in. They think he’ll cause trouble.”

“He is my son and I would love to see him.” She raises her head off the pillow feeling faint as her head goes back on the pillow. “Mom, at least let me see him through the window. It’d be good for the both of us.” Lynn’s eyes close.

Lynn’s Mom is able to get him to see her through the window. She tells Justin to wave to his Mom and shows him how to blow a kiss to her. She explains to him that she needs lots of rest to prepare for the baby.

Justin presses on the window frame, his warm breath fogs his vision of Lynn. He turns in his Grandmother’s direction collapsing to the ground. Justin stumbles to his feet dizzily mouthing, “Mommy.” He cuddles Friend, as his legs wobble, and starts to fall again. His Grandmother catches him figuring he is having partial seizures. His once pink lips resemble an icy tone, and are cold to the touch. His cheeks bare no color as he goes through the set of episodes requiring his wheelchair and oxygen to go home.

Perhaps, Justin’s too overwhelmed and that is why the seizures happen. His mother is extremely concerned with her son’s wellbeing. She prays that he will start to progress, as she watches from her bed them starting him on the oxygen.

They bring Justin to the pediatric floor because he is not considered an adult yet, to treat his breathing difficulties. They just would like to monitor him before letting him go home.

Justin’s room has a dinosaur theme, with many painted dinosaurs on the four walls, in a vast amount of colors. A mobile hangs far above with dinosaurs in vibrant colors. His breathing is irregular, as he rests on the bed. It takes about twenty minutes before he act like the Justin his Grandparents know.

They wheel Justin out to car. The exhausted young man lies back on the soft padding in his wheelchair. His body appears limp each time after a seizure. He seems to want to sleep hopefully he won’t have another experience tonight. His Grandfather lifts him into the car as Justin remains motionless.

Justin is up bright and early the next morning playing, as the phone rings. He covers his ears blocking out the loud noise, and begins crying form the pain it causes him. He hides behind the couch noticing a photo on the table beside it. He stares at the images perplexed. He isn’t used to seeing himself. He is with his parents and his stuffed animal. He wishes his Mom and Dad would come back soon. He misses them. Justin snuggles with Friend who makes him feel better.

He carries the picture around his Grandparents house, “Pretty.” It is time for his bath as he holds onto the photo. His Grandmother must watch him closely in the tub and help wash him up as fast as possible.

Justin dumps the warm water over his head flattening his curls. He puts out his hands for the soap to be put in his hand. He rubs his hands together, as the liquidly soap falls down his chest. He moves his hand up and down his chest making the white gunk disappear.

His Grandmother gently washes his hair, trying not to upset him. She smiles, “Almost done, Justin.”

He claps his hands pointing to his toys off to the side, “They bath.”

His Grandmother shakes her head. “They can’t go in the tub, Justin. Let’s get you dressed so you can play with them in the living room.” She helps him to his feet, and gives him the towel. She gives him his tee-shirt and then his shorts to put on. She does any snaps for him, as he sits on the floor with Friend.

Justin’s breathing is labored as he bounces Friend up and down. His lips are losing their color another seizure is coming.

Justin needs to be admitted to the hospital again due to his blue lips and fingernails. He is given oxygen through a tube in his nose. The thin tube brings color to Justin’s cheeks.

His Mom insists on seeing her sick son, even if he is asleep or falling asleep. She won’t be able to stay long because she requires bed rest, and is sleepy from the medication. She melts at the sight of Justin with Friend on the bed playing.

Justin pulls at the new object on his wrist. He is unable to take the special bracelet off. He gives up on trying to take it off. The bracelet is a tracking device so Justin can’t easily walk out of doors that his family doesn’t want him going out of. It works well for the hospital as well. He hears a beeping sound if he goes outside of the door as his caregiver comes to return him to safety. Another new device for Justin is a large cloth looking stop sign, when knocked down it makes a noise keeping Justin away from the danger area.

The big red stop sign works well for Justin. He doesn’t want to hear the noise so he doesn’t repeat the actions. He seems mesmerized by the bright red color. He is learning new signs. The universal signs make it clear what is off limits.

Lynn is brought back to her room. She is feeling more tired as the nurse wheels her away. She waves goodbye to Justin who is getting ready for a nap.

Justin is transported into the wheelchair. He holds his favorite stuffed animal in his arms. He sees lots of fish in the play room. He sits on the floor with a picture book leafing through it. He points to the colorful shapes. He puts down the book and goes over to the pretend kitchen. He squeezes the make believe fruits and vegetables placing them on a plate. He tips over the pitcher, “No wet.” He places the dishes in the sink, turning the handles, “No wet.” He moves over to the art supplies, “Cutter.” These scissors are child safe so Justin won’t get hurt with them as he has help cutting out the circle shape.

He scribbles all over the circle shape and sticks stickers on the sides. Justin writes his name on the picture, “For Mommy.” He cries to his Grandmother, “Mommy sick.”

“She will feel better once the baby comes. Are you ready to go back to the room?”

“I play.” Justin’s body can only handle so much. The drugs they are using on him causes Justin’s coordination to be even worse than it originally was, that is why his wheelchair is ideal for him to get around.

Justin has help safely getting into his wheelchair. His blue eyes shut.


Lynn looks in at her sick child as he lies in the bed with monitors all over Justin’s thin body. She enters the room in a wheelchair, gazing at Justin’s eyes, and stroking his head. “I’m right here, Justin. “ She doesn’t enjoy seeing him so lifeless. “Sweetheart, can you open your eyes for me?” Justin does as she asks. “Is there anything you want?”

Justin tells her he would like to see his horse. This would brighten up his world to spend some time with Horse Tails and the pony. The wheelchair bound young man gets his wish granted to see Horse Tails as long as the tube stayed in his nose and he doesn’t come out of the wheelchair.

“Horse Tails”, he nearly shouts entering the barn barely settled in his blue wheelchair. His blue eyes widen with delight at the horse’s presence. His head tilts back as he’s pushed up the wooden ramp. He reaches out for the horse as Lance puts down the break on the wheelchair, so it can’t go anywhere. He moves his hands down along the horse’s long hairs, and rubs the horse’s stomach.

Horse Tails acknowledges who Justin is. She is more willing to do activities with the young man around. She has gentleness to her helping Justin show feelings. She will lightly rub her head against his hand when he seems to start to lose interest. This always gets him to react.

His breathing distress is much less around Horse Tails. Justin’s body starts to ease after being around Horse Tails. His behavior is docile compared to in the hospital and at home.

His family thinks that Justin needs to be in familiar settings and he hasn’t been lately. Consonantly his routines should not change. These differences are not easy for him to handle which cause more seizures.

Justin asks. “Ride?”

Lance squats down placing his hands on the sides of Justin’s wheelchair, attempting to make eye contact, “Not today. You are too sick.”

Justin’s eyes fill with tears, “Peeze.”

Lance sighs knowing Justin isn’t going to give in. It is one of Justin’s joys. It isn’t right to take it from him. He has an idea to ride with Justin for him to have extra support. Lance gets on first and has a few people lift Justin on with his breathing device in place. He has one of the people lead Horse Tails around the arena pen going slowly.

Justin is given a miniature basketball to throw into a hoop, while riding the horse. He makes a basket, clapping his hands proudly, “Did.” Justin’s body is beginning to sway. His is having trouble with keeping steady and is ready to come off.

Lance places Justin back in the wheelchair removing his red helmet. “We have to get you back to the hospital, Justin.”

Justin falls asleep on the trip to the hospital. He sleeps for over two hours in his hospital bed. Lance stays with him waiting for him to wake up. Lance closes the door to Justin’s room gently to keep sounds down.

One of his nurses comes in to check on him. “This is the soundest sleep I’ve seen from him. That horse must be quite special to him.”

Lance nods, keeping his voice to a whisper, “He does so well with Horse Tails.” He sighs, “I wish he could be with that horse all the time. He is a different person with her. I personally hate seeing him stuck in here on all these machines. His boundaries are so slim. I’d like to take him out again tomorrow, if that is alright with his doctor.”

Justin moves his body telling Lance he’ll soon be up. His head comes off the pillow searching for the prized stuffed animal. His fingers wrap around the cuddly toy’s center, pulling the critter closer to him, “Love Friend. Mommy love Friend.” He kisses Friend.

Lance awes over Justin’s cuteness. Lance takes out a book of faces and has Justin point out which expression he feels like.
Justin grabs his blocks dumping them on the table the pieces go everywhere to his surprise. He gathers them placing them on the table. One of the blocks starts with the letter, “M” which reminds him of his Mom, “Where Mommy?”

Lance swallows hard not knowing how tell Justin about his Mom’s health and the premature birth of his little half sister Lily Liliah Harless. He sighs, “She is resting because your sister was born.”

“When see baby?”

Lance takes a deep breath in than out. “I’m not sure, Justin.”

Justin goes back to playing oblivious to the situation at hand. He reaches for the dinosaur block, “Din-sur green,” shaking it. He places the dinosaur upside down, “Turn?” He confuses backwards with turning not realizing that turning can mean in any direction. Turn isn’t a good word to use with him because when people say it is his turn he at times may mix it up and might literally try to move his body in a different direction, now that he is being told two different definitions of the same topic.

Justin puts his blocks away into the plastic container and places them in his blue backpack. He searches the backpack picking out his Mickey book. He likes the bold colors and large words.

Lance smiles at his girlfriend, who has come to visit with them, but quickly returns to Justin.

She sits down in a chair next to Lance, “How is he doing?”

“His breathing is still irregular, but he hasn’t had any seizures since being with the horse. The doctors are hoping he can be released soon!”

Justin is timid around her and cuddles his stuffed animal. He doesn’t speak. Friend is getting quite dirty being with Justin all the time and should be washed. Separating Justin from the beloved animal may cause behavioral upset.

To distract him another toy baring his resemblance is used until Friend is washed. The swap of stuffed animals is done while Justin sleeps.

Justin rubs his eyes the next morning looking for Friend. His plush buddy is within reaching distance near the metal rails. He scoops up his stuffed companion in his arms as a nurse comes in to cheek on him. He rests his head on Friend.

She grins, leaning over the bed. “I’m going to take your vitals Justin. First, I’m going listen to your heart.” She gently places the stethoscope on over his chest and then listens. She allows Justin to try it himself afterward. She talks to him about his horse as she does his blood pressure. When it is time to do his temperature, she tells him it won’t hurt. The procedure only last a few minutes. She has been going over this with him since he has been admitted to the hospital.

Lance walks into the room, bringing with him his breakfast. He faces Justin, “Hi Justin. Today is going to be a big day. We are going to go see Horse Tails. Later, we are going to go see your Mom and Dad.”


Lance opens up Justin’s breakfast juice, because Justin has trouble pulling off the top. He pours the milk into the bowl for Justin.


Justin claps his hands, “Mommy.” He presses down on the blankets, resting his elbows on the pillow he now has at the other end of his bed. He removes his elbows from the pillow scrunching it, “Mommy have baby.” Justin sits up returning to the cereal and juice. Justin puts down his juice drink picking up his spoon, “Green there.”

Lance laughs, “Yes, the marshmallow dinosaurs make them that way.” He turns toward the doorway looking out at a familiar face. He motions for her to come in. It is the now twenty- two year old from the ranch. She has a bunch of papers in her hands as she enters the room, studying the sheets.

Her eyes set on the young man in the bed. She watches him eat, as she takes a seat in the chair. She opens a folder with all of Justin’s Mom’s letters to her complied from up to date to the very first one. From the back of the folder she removes newsprint with the heading, “Autism Tails,” which depicts a black and white photograph of Justin on Horse Tails.” She sighs, “I’ve taken up a course in college about the disorder. I have taken up quite an amount of time researching the topic to be able to write about all this. I nearly have a whole book on the life of this young man’s journey. I have had a great number of my articles posted about autism. I am hoping his family will allow me to publish Justin’s tales. I would like to include some of Justin’s writing’s in there, as well. Each chapter shows the many obstacles Justin and many other autistic people have to face. The biographical story also touches on the events that changed Justin’s life in a big way, and how he has grown because of the horse he befriended.”

Lance bobs his head, “It sounds like an excellent idea. I think his Mom and Dad will go for it.”

“I can’t wait to ask for their permission when his Mom is better rested.”

Justin pays little attention to their conversation as he watches his milk get greener, “Icky green.” The marshmallows are becoming soggy, as is the ring shaped cereal pieces, “Color.” He puts a spoonful in his mouth and swallows. He grasps onto the tiny box of cereal glancing at the different colors of dinosaurs.

Justin sits down in the chair placing Friend on top of it. He glances at the folder, picking it up.”

Her hand comes down on his, “NO, no these are important papers, Justin.”

Justin grabs onto the folder, “I do.” He pulls on the documents, “Mine.”

Lance sighs, “Justin, please be careful of her papers. Give her back the folder or you will have a time out!”

Justin seizes and removes Friend from the round table. He moves back into the covers and hides until she leaves. He pops his head out of the covers with his stuffed animal. He quiets down from the medication.

Lynn smiles at her child who is sound asleep in the bed cuddling Friend. She watches as his body moves starting to wake up, “Hi Sweetheart.”

Justin turns towards his Mom, “Mommy.” He glances at her, “Mommy wrong?” He grasps onto her shirt, ‘Baby?”

“Justin, Dad and I need to talk to you about your sister. She was born too soon! She is sick, Sweetheart. Her body is having a hard time doing what it needs too!”

He asks, “When see baby?”

Lynn wipes away a tear from her eye, “Justin, the doctors won’t let you see her.”

Justin cries, “Stupid me. “ He repeats himself several times holding onto Friend. His parents try to comfort him knowing it is not right for the hospital to withhold Justin from seeing his ill sister. His Mom tells him, “I’m going to find a way for you to see her, Justin.”

Justin wipes away his teardrops, “K Mommy.” He goes back to Friend and plays.

Lynn shakes her head at her nurse’s snarky comments about her disable son, “See he is far too dumb to realize what is going on……..”

Justin turns in there direction and jumps off the bed moving towards his parents not making a sound. He manages to get behind her and trip her up, “No hurt- in Mommy!” He rushes back to Lance as everyone around are trying to get their jaws back in place.

Lance chuckles, “He is a lot smarter than you give him credit for. You better watch out.”

Justin gathers his favorite books putting them in a pile on the bed. He picks one of them and begins to read it, as Lance reads the morning paper. Justin likes the colorful pictures but isn’t ready to read it all. Justin finds the hidden objects in the pictures.

Meanwhile Lynn looks in on her baby girl who lay in the plastic container with tubes all around. She touches Lily’s finger receiving a slight reaction. It is probably too early to tell if she will be affected by the autism. Her frail body doesn’t move much due to the sedatives for the breathing tube, and IV located in her foot. Lynn is waiting for her to cry because she hasn’t heard that precious first cry yet, or the first time to hold her safely in her embrace. That will come in time hopefully!

They say a picture is worth a hundred words, but what do they say a first experience is? I guess that all depends on the significance of the event at hand, and for Justin that will be seeing his sister for the first time. Friend is close by snuggled in his arms as his Mom walks with him to a room. A private room for the family has been arranged after much nagging from the family. In controlled surroundings Justin will do just fine. He takes a seat in the plush green chair as Lily is brought in from the nursery. He keeps his distance from the clear see through plastic container and the tubes keeping his sister alive. He digs his fingernails into the furniture dropping Friend on the ground, as the machine beeps.

Justin covers his ears at the soft sounds, noticing the door is wide open. His blue eyes well as doctors enter the room to see the progress of Lily. He leans against the padding sticking his feet up in the chair, as everyone else chats!

He isn’t sure what to do, and begins to get up and take off, but something stops him from leaving the room. He crouches down reaching out his hands. He turns around just before staff rush down the hall. They surly would have knocked Justin on the ground if he did not move; perhaps somebody is looking out for him.

Justin heads toward the infant hesitant of what to expect. His fingers lightly press against the plastic, “Mine.” He places his stuffed toy near her, “Baby Friend.” He backs away nervous, and goes to his Mom.

Lynn sniffles placing her trembling hands under Justin’s chin getting him to face her. “You don’t have to give up Friend, Justin.”

“Member share Mommy?” He opens up his hands palms facing him.

Lynn kisses Justin’s forehead, “That is good that you want to share, Justin. Lily would like you to keep Friend for yourself.”

Justin leaves the toy with his sister, “Better baby.” He holds onto Lance’s hand as they return to his hospital room. He rests his head on the pillow teary-eyed. To comfort himself he rocks his body until he falls asleep.

Lance has one of the staff go retrieve Friend. He sticks the pony beside Justin.

A porcelain angel sits atop the table appearing sparkly and pretty to Justin as he comes out of his slumber. He points to the angel, “See.”

Lance nods, “I see it too, Justin! It is for your Mom.”

Justin sits up,”See real.” He lowers his head sadly. He notices Friend is back and reaches for him trying to figure out how to tell Lance what he would like too! “Ah- gel baby.” He points to his small toy horses, “Ah- gel baby!” His blue eyes water as he puts down the toys. He gives up on trying to explain after hearing, “It is okay, Justin.”

“Mommy k.”, he searches the room for his Mom going back to Friend.

Lance shrugs his shoulders, “Justin, your Mom is with the baby.”

He inches his way off the bed, dragging Friend along. He plops down onto the floor. He slowly stands up bending over, rubbing his stomach, “Icky’s.”

Lance rolls his eyes, calling for a person to come help him clean up the mess. “Does your stomach hurt?”

Justin nods his head, “Icky.” He starts to bend over again, “More icky.”

Lance remembers they gave Justin new medication this morning. It is probably the reason for Justin’s vomiting. He sings softly to Justin telling him everything will be alright.

Justin opens the folder, beginning to sort through the pages. He becomes distracted by the noises outside of the room. He presses against the window. He slouches down to the floor leaning on the door. He bends over placing his hands on his face ready to cry.

Lynn wakes Justin from his sleep, “It is okay, Sweetheart. We’re going to see Horse Tails. No more hospital until later. “

Justin falls back asleep in the car, as Lynn sits beside him. His parents are taking him home for a bit to get the home ready for the new baby. While Justin sleeps they’ll organize the baby’s room. Justin is carried inside. His body isn’t heavy. One parent is going to stay with him in his room whilst the other works on Lily’s room.

Justin is content with his special blocks upon waking from his sleep. His Mom goes over colors and shapes with him. He is showing slight improvement. He gives his Mom a block, “Mommy play.”

Lynn glances at Justin, “I was just thinking. I’m ready to play.” She sees him eying the scissors and tells him, “No, those can hurt you. They are sharp. Yours are with your art supplies. Would you like to make something?”

Justin shakes his head, “Cuter.” He sits back down, “Cuter.” Justin clasps the block in his hand, “Bl- uck , cuter.” He drops the block clapping his hands. He picks up the block placing it on top of two other ones. He rests his head the floor looking at the structure, “Did.” He lifts his head up along with his body.

Justin’s Mom asks him to sit in a chair at the table. He is having an IQ type to see his progress and areas that still need to be worked on. Everything Justin has been working on is tested on for the past six months. The test is broken up making it easier for Justin to handle. His first assignment is verbally naming his shapes. A shape is presented and he is given five minutes to try to name it. In the next secession, Justin has to color in a shape with a selected color. The final portion of this part of the test is drawing his shapes. He is give breaks in between and positive words of encouragement in completing the tasks at hand.

Justin and Friend go upstairs to see what his father is up too. He sits in a chair in Lily’s room holding his toy in his arms. Justin gathers Lily’s stuffed animals helping his Mom place them on the shelf. He sits back down in the chair, rocking himself. He closes his eyes.

Lynn wraps Justin with a blanket letting him sleep in the chair, as she goes downstairs to chat with the female from the ranch.

She smiles letting her in, “How are you?”

“I’m great! How is Justin doing?”

“He’s been sick lately from seizures, that we thought may be due to a medication he accidentally got a hold of. He has his good and bad days. The horse has been an excellent addition to his life.”

“At least something has turned his life around.” She sighs, “How would he be without Horse Tails?”

Lynn gives her an odd look, “I don’t even want to think about it. Are you still riding?”

“Not at the moment. I don’t have the correct resources, so I am working on my college studies.”

Justin comes down the steps with Friend snuggled in his arms. He blurts out, “See Baby Tails, Horse Tails.”

She slyly smiles, “Horse Tails has given birth already?”

“Yes, Horse Tails has a beautiful pony. We allowed Justin to name the new pony.”

“Are you going to visit the horses today?”

“We will be going later, if you want to come along.”

She nods her head enthusiastically, “I would love too.”

“Are we going to talk about you publishing that book about autism?”

“We will in time!”

She supports Justin’s body in her arms carrying him to the wheelchair located on the ramp. She gently places him in the wheelchair and looks into his eyes that once seemed clouded. She wheels him down the ramp, as he opens and closes his eyes.

This is one of the last accounts I have of experiences with this young man who still lives with his family in Millington, Tennessee. Justin seems to be making minor progress as he grows. He is currently twenty- one and still crazy over his horses.
I recall his fingers grasped into my shirt. I at the time wanted to desperately get back to riding. I was hoping with this publication “Horse Tails” I would earn some cash to race again or that perhaps I could have that horse back. After seeing the Joy in his eyes at the sight of both horses once again I saw just how much more important he is. To me a horse brought money, but for this young man it brought a whole new world.

Justin is in close distance to his half brothers Jonathan and Steven and always seems to enjoy playing with them.

His biological father and him are starting a whole new relationship based on short visits, after he served jail time.

This is a true story about a young man faced with one of the severest cases of autism. Autism like many disorders can have varying degrees. The onset age is usually between the earliest years of life, for some it may come across a few months prior to birth. The common sign of autism is speech impairment not being able to communicate in a way a normal person will. In early childhood these kids are likely to not say a word or point to show they would like something. As they grow, they may develop skills with the help of trained professionals. Since all are affected differently there is no known cure for the disorder only medicines to treat some of the behavioral patterns.

Despite all of the downfalls of this disorder, these people are very unique individuals with feelings, though it may be difficult to tell. Just because one can not perceive the way you or I do does not make them stupid. They need to be given a different path to explore their world, and if you provide it for them, who knows what they may be able to accomplish. Time is everything for them, give them those extra seconds. Never give up on them.

Justin is going to inspire many people to hopefully give autistic people and ones with other developmental problems a chance to explore their world. Sometimes the simplest things have the biggest influence in a person’s life. Animals are commonly used in aiding with people who have disabilities. They give them a feeling of self worth to know somebody is interested in them. It may teach them about responsibility and give them a long lasting friendship. For Justin this horse did all this and more.

In closing I would like to say thanks to Justin’s family for teaching me that how special he is. I want to say a thank you to anyone who picked up this book “Horse Tails” and ask that if you can help in any way with funding for autistic individuals. At best, if you can’t afford to send cash to the many organizations for them, if you see or come in contact with this disorder don’t demise them from what’s on the surface, try your hardest to get to what is buried deep inside waiting to get out!

Lynn puts down the book on the table, looking at Justin sitting in the chair with Lily in his arms. The moment seems like it would have never come to pass, but after much practice with supervision Justin is able to hold her in his arms.

Her little fingers grasp onto Friend, squeezing him, as she gazes up at her big brother. She is just in the early stages of sitting, and loves pulling on anything she can get a hold of! She claps her hands getting her brother to follow.

Justin puts his hands out, “Sleepy.” He rubs his eyes, as Lily is taken off his lap.

Lynn places Friend near by Justin’s head, kissing him lightly on the cheek having Lily do the same.